Opening Day Evening

So the home club opened up with a victory yesterday against the Florida Keys. Good pitching by Kai Goto, going 6 innings and only giving up those 2 runs. The bullpen got nicked up a bit, but a 5 to 4 victory is still a victory.

I didn't see the game live, obviously, since I'm in Nashville. I didn't see it on TV as it happened either. You see, I was busy entertaining. Word got out pretty quickly that I'm living in a trailer in the Pepsi Field parking lot. Before you know it, about 35 Nashville Hounds fans were in the parking lot with me, hoping we could have one giant (for an off day) tailgate. So that's what we did.

The people here in Nashville, from the small sample I met yesterday, are great. Not one person made fun of my crying due to homesickness. One woman said she'd knit a quilt for me. Another guy said he'd get some pals to serve as my personal security detail. He had a shotgun hanging on the inside of his pickup, so I nodded and tried to move away politely. My trailer is waterproof. It's not bulletproof. My mistake.

By the time the game in Florida was over, the tailgate was just starting to wind down. It grew over the hours to become sort of a rally for the Hounds' upcoming season. A news truck was there (I did not do an interview but they did get me on camera eating a very messy White Castle cheeseburger). Somehow, I found myself near the end on the roof of my Rockwood Signature Ultralite, screaming about how the Hounds are going "all the way" and "won't take prisoners" and how the season would be a "dogfight" (since we're Hounds) and other phrases that would require quotations if I listed them as well. Bottom line: The Hounds are going to sell some tickets this April. They'll hopefully have a winning year and give this town something to write home about! (Yes, this is their home. I know that.)

Around 8:15 I "retired" into my Ultralite. A handful of fans remained in the parking lot for another hour or two, but I was replaying the game on NBL.com. I have a 17" computer screen so I got a good view of how we won. Billy Weston looked good closing it out. I don't think we'll need to worry about his fingers. I think he's been soaking them in pickle brine to solve the blistering. Very old school, but whatever works...

Tuesday is workout day here with my Nashville Hounds squad. I haven't thrown since last Thursday, but that's on purpose. Near the end of spring training I was getting a dead arm. No real pain. Just a lifelessness. Hard to explain. It's like when you wake up from a dream and you can't get your eyes to open. My arm just couldn't overcome a certain sluggishness. So I took four days (got a doctor's note) off from baseball activity. I have been able to run and I found a local YMCA where I can swim. I'll probably do so this afternoon. The last thing I want is to lose all of the muscle and flexibility I've built up over the last four months of intense workouts.

My team-paid personal trainer, Andy, called yesterday to give me a verbal pump-up. He's not here with me because the team doesn't want to pay him during the season. I guess that's why. My contract is kind of vague as to whether or not they'd pay for him all year to work out with me. For that, I blame my super agent, Jack Perry, who I've invited to a slumber party in my trailer home. So far, he's respectfully declined. I'll let you know if he makes it down here. We can have another party. I'm sure he'll pay for the beer.

8 Weeks

Too snowy and icy to run this morning and too early to go anywhere to work out (Andy, as strong in mind and body as he is, took an oath many years ago to never rise before or during an hour that begins with a 6), I put an old tape into the VHS player and tried that out. It was a workout tape called "8 Minute Abs." I am under no illusion that I can make my abs look like the host's abs in 8 minutes. I'm pushing for 8 weeks. That would be the start of spring training. In Florida. Where's it's not snowy and icy.

The music sounded like it was transferred from a porn film. The two actors working out with the host sported funny hair and clothes. I looked at the box and saw the tape came out in 1991. I hit pause, found a photo album, and looked for a picture of myself from 1991. There I was at Christmas time. I had more hair then. I remember the style was called a "ledge." My barber, Pete, said it was all the rage. I liked it so much that when I went back 8 weeks later to have my head re-ledged, Pete said the rage was over and he wouldn't cut another ledge, unless the rage came back. Now look at me. If the rage came back, I wouldn't have enough hair to be retro-ledged. Quite upsetting.

I finished the abs video and went upstairs. The rest of the house was still asleep. Actually, the occupants were asleep. A house cannot sleep because it is not a living being. Like barbers and 8 minute ab actors. Went into the kitchen and peered into the fridge. There was some good stuff there. Why?

Not only did the team get me a personal trainer, but they got me a personal chef as well.

There, I said it. One person's sole job for the next 8 weeks is to build up my body. Another person's sole job is to feed it. Tomorrow I go to the team psychiatrist. He's not my personal one, however. I'm not afraid to share.

I grabbed an avocado stuffed with ricotta cheese and flipped on the kitchen TV. ESPN was somewhere. The remote was somewhere too, but I couldn't find it, so I had to flip the stations from 2 to 36 by hand. I think it's lazy of TV manufacturers to not build TVs that change channels on verbal command. Why should I have to get off of my stool and reach over to flip a channel. Not fair.

Made it to ESPN and saw two major headlines.

1. KAI GOTO SIGNS $108 MILLION 8-YEAR DEAL WITH NY.
2. NY TRADES FOR KC OUTFIELDER LYMAN GAYE.

Wow. I sleep for 7.28 hours and look what happens. We give the team's second biggest contract of all time to The Jimmy Scott of Japan and then trade for the batter Jimmy Scott - me - was throwing to when his (my) elbow suddenly decided to have an out of arm experience. Overnight, we're a better team. I don't know Lyman very well. I know about his supposed baggage, but the man sure can hit and field. I think he had 20+ home runs last year for the 4th year in a row. And they (scouts, not computer guys) predict Kai to win at least 15 games. (The computer guys say he'll win 14.4 games.)

I swallowed my mouthful of cheese and looked around for someone to share my thoughts with. It was 5:56 AM. The house was as quiet as a mouse, aside from the TV, my clicking jaw, and a hair voluntarily falling out of my head and parachuting to the floor. Good things are starting to happen again. My only wish is that I could share my feelings with someone. We'll see what my personal team psychiatrist says about that tomorrow. He'll hopefully give me some good advice that gets me through the next 8 weeks, or at least lasts longer than my next haircut.