Papered Again

While running early this morning, the paperboy in his '96 Voyager hit me twice, once with a Ledger and once with a Times. The Friday Times, especially thick, grazed my forehead and threw me off stride. Almost slipped off the sidewalk. But I didn't. Because I'm so damn great. He also missed 10 times. Ten for twelve is a damn good batting average.

Lots of debate in the papers about our pitching staff now. I especially liked the picture in the Post with Kai Goto's head on my body and vice versa. I would make a very attractive Japanese man. Kai, however, looked a little out of shape.

Speaking of which, there was an anonymous quote by a "source close to the team" that "internal discussions" were going on about whether I would come back as a starting pitcher or a relief pitcher. Of course, that was one of the hot topics on the radio today as well. And on a football Friday no less. I threw two pitches all last year and can still command Tony for Staten Island to claim I'm not only a bum, but a rich one. Tony - you're right. Where's the problem?

Disconcerting was the amount of toilet paper strewn about my property today. Volleyball season is done. So is high school football season. Thus, "friends" of Julia and Grace would not do this because there's no reason to. Is it a copycat paperer? The worst part was the poor quality of toilet tissue. Last time's two-ply Charmin was replaced with single-ply store brand. So the copycats did more with less quality. Sounds like how my 2008 season's expected to go.

Big workout session with Andy today. He wants me to swim. Vanessa stayed up all night sewing my initials onto my designer life-preserver. I'm not a strong swimmer, so keep your eyes on the headlines. I may show up missing at sea.