The Subconscious Flight Home

There was no getting up early this morning, not after 10 hours of delays flying home yesterday from Florida and my body hitting the sheets after 3AM Monday. Had a nightmare flight, a delay that can only rival the wait at a local DMV to get a new driver's license, and, of course, some good news.

We'll start with the good.

We won the bidding for Kai Goto, so it looks like, if we can get him signed now, we'll be a team with a pitching staff that includes Jimmy Scott (me) and "The Jimmy Scott of Japan." It'll be like having two of me on one team. I mentioned this to Rick Churches.

Rick: No it won't.
Me: Yes it will. If you move him to the bullpen, after 8 innings I can relieve myself.
Rick: Always trying to piss me off, huh?

It was only upon reflection while en route home that I realized if Rick had been joking, he would have made an amusing remark, you know, referring to the whole urination... Forget it. Anyway, he was not joking. I still giggled a little bit in anticipation of passing along his subconscious humor. He was a broadcaster for 10 years. He's got to be at least a little funny, right?

Jack, my agent, is Kai's agent. I've tried to get in touch with him (Jack - did I mention he was my agent first?) but he's been busy negotiating with the team (I'm hearing Kai wants 6 years and $96 million) and preparing for the GM meetings which begin today in Florida. So Jack hasn't taken Jimmy Scott's calls because he's working on a big deal for my Japanese clone. No reason for me to be jealous, right? I feel I was very mature on my last call to Jack's office:

Me: Is Jack there?
Voice: To speak with Jack Perry, press 2, to speak with another agent, press...
Me: Hello? Where are you?
Voice: ...to return to the main menu, press star. If...
Me: Screw you, Jack!
Voice: ...repeat your options, press the pound sign or hang up.

I hung up. I had a plane to catch, after all.

Mini Minicamp was good. Because of its being unsanctioned by the union, we weren't allowed to pick up baseballs and throw them. I got there and remembered this from previous Mini Minicamps. I was glad I'd only brought 6 gloves with me instead of the 12 I like to travel with (8 for on field use, 3 for luck, one because it smells real nice). I met with our doctor, Carl Russo, who gave me a good once-over from neck down. He asked how my arm felt. I said the shoulder felt great. He said fine. What about the part of the arm he'd operated on. I told him my elbow was fine. He said fine. Then he performed a few stretching exercises on me that, well, my ears are still ringing from the screams. Doc Russo said this was just scar tissue stretching and breaking. Had I been following his rehab regimen? I told him no. It was no use lying, since he'd read this blog (everybody in the organization has read this blog) and knew exactly where I was in my rehab: At the beginning. I told him I'm better off than he thought. I'm a quick healer. He laughed, told me I was probably at 75% strength, and I should lose some weight and hit the gym.

Walking out, I wondered why he had laughed. A voice said, "Because you can't fool doctors." It was Rick. Apparently, I'd done my wondering aloud.

Rick: You can't fool me either.
Me: Not even a little?
Rick: No.

This from the guy whose nickname in the minors was Hot Foot because he never realized a pack of matches had been stuck under his foot and lit on fire until the 100th time it had been done to him.

Me: Wanna go for a beer?
Rick: No.
Me: Good. I don't drink.
Rick: Why did you ask me then?
Me: I don't know.

I didn't. I think I know now. It was my nervous subconscious speaking out. Rick is my new manager, thus, my new boss. If at any other job I had underperformed this much, I'd have been fired. Lucky for me, my track record is such that the team knows a Jimmy Scott at 75% is better than lots of other guys at 75%. I can already hear Rick's response out loud to that:

Rick Speaking Out Loud, Probably Alone In His Dark Bedroom In White Plains: You still can't pitch in a game at 75%.

In other words, I'm not helping him or the team by being only at 75%. I've got about 10 weeks to increase that 75% to 85%. I usually show up at spring training around 92.73%, so I'll be 7.73% off my normal pace. I can make that up by April 1st. As I told Doc Russo, I'm a quick healer.